30 day Blog Challenge

I saw this on Sarah's blog and it sounds fun! Not like I don't post enough here,but here is the first challenge:

Post a photo of yourself and how your day was:

Not sure why I picked this photo of myself, maybe because I had a really good day the day this pic was taken. (taken right after I had Char) My day was GREAT! I spent it with my mom (who was in town for an overnight from Vegas) my sister,my kids and Grandma Shupe.We went to lunch at Zupas then went to Gate way mall to shop!!! I got a membership pass to Discovery Gateway- which by the way is the best place to take an active toddler on cold winter days ;-) looked at clothes and then hung out with my mom at her hotel till she had to lobby for the airport. My grandma took Johnny to her home to spend the night! I then came over to my dad's house where John was waiting for me as he had been there all day working on a 4 runner with his friend and my dad. We had pizza and got in the hot tub for a nice soak! LOVE the hot tub! Love my family!

Santa

Went to Latyon hills mall today with the kids and thought for sure Johnny would lose it. We thought for sure he would cry and be completly terrified. but just like Johnny always does, he suprised me. No crying, just serious. Just thought I would post the pic. It makes me laugh!

I am missing it.

I am just gonna vent.

Time is going by way too fast and it scares me. I feel like most days I am just trying to make to the next. I am looking at the clock- waiting for bedtime, downtime, naptime. What am I thinking? Tonight, after a busy day with some family. I put Johnny down for bed and proceeded to take care of Char. As I sat and held her, looking at the clock for her bedtime, I realized what I was doing. I was simply holding her. Not really paying attention. Not really enjoying our alone time together. It hit me as I started getting her ready for bed, that I am missing it. I am missing Char grow up. I am with her 24/7 and am not even noticing what I should. She smiled at me. Now don't get me wrong. I KNOW Charlotte. I know her so well, that it comes second nature for me. I know that she is tired because she nussles into my neck and breaths really fast and snorts too. I know when she is hungry when she is face to face with me and "kisses" me. I know when she just wants me when she talks loud, but doesn't cry because she wants attention. She has such a calm deminor. She possesess this all the time. When she smiles, she smiles wide. Mouth WIDE open and her nose wrinkles. She is into grabing anything she can now and of course putting it into her mouth. She makes me feel like I can accomplish anything. There is an overwhelming guilt that comes to surface as I lie in bed at night, going over the day. Did I kiss Johnny good night? Is he cranky because of a tooth or something else? Is Char eating enough? She seems more tired than usual... is she getting sick? How long did I actually spend time playing with the kids? or was I too fixated on dinner, laundry, cleaning, my own selfishness (friends, phone, computer) Tonight I have much emotion as I try to put to words how much I really do want to remember this all. Not just the good stuff, but the bad too. I remember before I had Charlotte, I was spending alot of time with a friend of mine that has three very young children very close in age. I remember her trying to make everything fair, everything equal. She didn't want anyone to feel left out. She seemed to feel guilty. I just thought to myself... what's a one yaer old and a two year old gonna remeber? Not much I was sure. It all makes sense to me now. It doesn't matter how young or old your babies are, they need just as much love, attention, guidence, help and discipline as the next baby.I just hope that I can try to be more attentive to what it is I am doing as a mom. Because I really don't want to miss it. Before I know it, these babies will be all grown up and might not have time for me. I love you my babies- don't grow up to fast.

Grateful

My Savior

Most would say that they too are grateful for Christ. I just felt that I should actually come out and say it. I am so very grateful for the life Jesus lived and the example he led. I have a pretty good idea of where I would be without him. And it's a scary thought. Whenever my life gets hard or too challenging, I know that Christ knows how I am feeling! He feels my hurt, my pain, frustrations, and weaknesses. Who better to call on when I feel inadequte and at my worst. I am also grateful for the Christ like people in my life that I know have been sent here to save me! Some times I wonder if my life would be less complicated if I didn't have the knowledge of the church... what a ridiculious thought! How many blessings would I have missed and continue to miss if not for the knowledge of what I know that is true. I spent all day yesterday scrambling around trying to get the kids ready for Thanksgiving dinner, make yams, tidy my house, get John up for work and in all the chaos- Not to mention that Johnny fell on our metal bed frame and got a black eye and Charlotte had a COMPLETE blow out right before we left the house, then did I then realized that I lost what I was suppossed to have felt all day- a feeling of gratitude and Thanksgiving. I am again grateful for Christ's love for me. A love he freely gives me.

I am so blessed........

and i feel like i've found my way. i thank God for all i've been given at the end of everyday. i have been blessed, with so much more than i deserve. to be here with the ones that love me and to love them so much it hurts. i have been blessed.

My Big John

Wheeling in our backyard

(Skyline Drive)

This great state and country

Gotta put a shout out to Skywest!

Many thanks to dad for putting

those birds in thr air!

FAMILY

MY BABIES

Sal Gal

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA SALLY!

I know it's a few days early and you really turn 46 on Sunday, but I just wanted to give a shout out to my mommy dearest for your Birthday! Mom, just want to thank you for all you have done for me. Past and present. I never really appreciated you until I became a mother myself. As I care for my children on a daily basis, I can't help but think of all you did for me growing up. I am up late at night with a screaming newborn- not sure how to help her, not sure what she wants.... but I can think of you and wonder what you would say and I begin to feel at ease. The week you came to stay with me after I had Charlotte was a real eye opener for me- I realized truly what kind of mother you were and are. I remember after you left- there were little touches here and there around the house that made me miss you, miss you so much I cried for about a week after you had to go. I missed your positivity, your sense of humor, and most of all, your patience. If it be in person or over the phone- you teach me patience. I get wound up so tight somethimes, it's hard to breathe. I worry probably a little too much and can't help myself. You put things back into perspective for me. I miss you all the time and even though you haven't lived here for several years now, it doesn't make it any easier. I wish that you were just a short car ride away, I wish that if you needed me, I could be there in a matter of seconds. I am really happy that you are in a happy point in your life, and you deserve it mom. You deserve all of it. A chance to finally be and do all the things you couldn't. It doesn't suprise me that you are as good of a Grandma as you are a Mom. My babies love you and I am sure always will. It's always so fun when you come into town and we just spend time together talking and laughing. You are such a fun loving, light hearted, care free person. I hope someday I can gain these qualities, sooner, rather than later. I love you Mom. Thanks for being you through everything. You've never waivered. You speak your mind, keep things simple, and most of all- you love me. Happy Birthday Mom- we love you!

Baby Love

Rachele, Grandma Sally, Char, Mandy, Great Grandma Shupe, and Johnny

We took a photo like this one when I was preggo with Johnny, this one is TONS cuter!

Had to put this one in of me and my Char!

Rachele holding Johnny when he was a few weeks old.

Last week I had the pleasure of spending it with my pregnant sister, mom, and Grandma. They were all in town for the baby showers Rachele has been having so she can get ready for her baby Jack that is due December 27th. It was so fun to see her open her gifts and put those cute adorable outfits up to her small belly to see if they would fit. I do have to say that I was very suprised when Rachele called me to tell me she was pregnant. I thought it would be several years before my kids had any cousins. It is quite a thing to see my baby sister all grown up and having kids of her own... It wasn't too long ago, that I was Rachele's protector. When we were growing up, Rachele relied alot on me, but I too relied alot on her. It was always nice to know she would be there to lean on if I needed her, and to this day, she still saves me. It's a peculiar thing, what Rachele and I share. I would say that a majority of my childhood memories usually have Rachele in them. We faced alot of hard trails together and I knew from an early age that I was to take care of Rachele, not only as a child, but for the rest of her life. Sometimes we don't see eye to eye on some things, and I tend to give unwanted advice, but that's only because I want what I think is best for her. Rachele know's herself best, but I can't help myself because I have done it most my life. There were times that Rachele and I were not so close, 4 years age difference made a big difference when I got married and she was still in High School. But it seems that we are now at the same stage in life and I am so grateful! Last summer after I had Johnny, I was stuggling with being a new mom. It was still cold and depresing outside and I felt shut in. Rachele was my ray of sunshine. She would come over and stay with me and for someone who didn't have any children of her own, it was like we were on the same wave lengths when it came to Johnny. It's still that way now. It's like we are always on the same page and I trust her completly with my kids. She adores them and they adore her. I love you Rachele. Thank you for being the best sister, the best Aunt, and the best listener when I needed you most. There is no doubt in my mind that you won't take on all of the challenges motherhood brings. I know you worry and that is something you will have to overcome, but I know you will be the best mom for that baby Jack, he is so dang lucky to have you. I hope that in the near future I will be able to help you as you have helped me. I can only be so lucky.

Raising Hope

I have to say that I really do enjoy watching this show and although some out there would find it trashy and inappropriate at some parts, usually the loose ends tie up and there is a special meaning or particular thought that makes me smile Tonight's ending was about being a dreamer. A young man in the show is having a hard time dealing with the fact that his parent's want to buy lottery tickets or pick up used and free furniture off the curb. Because they feel that one day they will beable to buy a new boat named "aqua-holic" or put that used furniture in a home they will some day get with that lottery money. It showed the parent's spending their lives saying someday. Wishing for that big break and at the end the young man says to his daughter, "It's ok to be a dreamer, because otherwise- your just sleeping." Something to keep in mind if you, like me, are a dreamer ;-) I really do enjoy watching this show.

I finally gave in....

November 2009. Johnny was only 8 months. I was pregnant at the time with Charlotte ;-)

Char at 3 months. What a cutie.

Johnny 18 months

Like Father like son.....

So, about a year ago I started my blog and decided that I didn't want to do it anymore because it takes me so dang long to type and I have so many spelling errors that I didn't want to embarass myself by letting friends and family read my horrible postings... come to think of it, I think I just spent over 10 min just writing these few sentences! But, I feel it is important to stay connected to family and friends who don't live here and can't see my kiddos or us very often. I felt that writing in the kids' journals would be enough, but not everyone can read those and not everyone is on Facebook. These last 4 months have been very fun and interesting for me. Having two kids that are only 15 months apart is by far the most crazy and thrilling thing ever! My kids are great! Especially as individuals, but throw together two babies who are at two totally different stages in life and there are bound to be some crazy things going on. Now your probably thinking, how crazy can it be?

Johnny's day:

Wake up around 7:30 am (he just started doing this the last couple weeks and I hope
he keeps it up, because it used to be 6 am)

Shower and clothing time. This whole time I am chasing him around trying to get him to eat breakfast, which he has been on strike with food for several weeks. I think he is teething and only wants to drink his milk.
The following events occur throughout the day and he such a funny, curious, adventurous little man. He just makes me smile because he has to always be on the move.

Run to bathroom and roll out tp, unplug and replug: box floor fan, digital clock, air fresheners, lamps, and he trys to pull out the covers on the plugs.

If Charlotte's door is open he runs in there like it is the JACK POT! Pulls her blanket out of her crib, pulls out all dresser drawers, puts on her head bands, takes apart her flowers on headbands, unplugs her lamp, and switches the switch on her baby monitor...

Our room gets hit next, climb up on hope chest and jump on bed, throw all pillows off bed, grab remotes and takes them to the garbage.....

Downstairs: push all kitchen chairs around the entire kitchen and living room to get to the light swiches. ON and OFF, ON and OFF, repeate several times. Jump on couches, pull open fridge, pull open oven, pull open dishwasher and attempt to unload.

Now I try to keep the peace and allow him to do most of these things (except the wall plugs and other dangerous things) because I have found it to hard and draining to stand around saying "no" or "stop that" all day long. He just wouldn't be my bubby if he didn't do these things. I remember last winter. I was so worried because he hadn't started rolling over yet. He was a late crawler too. But he crawled for one week (as many of you remember, on all fours like a spider) and then he was running, NOT walking- RUNNING. He never looked back. As as he does all these interesting and repetitive things, he has a smile on his face. I love those front hippo teeth. they crack me up! He is also very affectionate, when he gets in trouble he will come over and kiss me, like "Awe, come on mom! It's cool! Don't worry!" He also makes that kiss sound- MaaHH! So cute. I will be staning in the kitchen making dinner or we will be in public somewhere and he will come over and wrap his arms around my leg and look up at me. I feel like this little man is so much more than I deserve. He keeps me going and drives me crazy all in the same breath. Sometimes I watch him, ya know? Really watch him. Sit and stare. He amazes me. It's amazing to love someone so much. He is apart of everything I am. THere isn't anything I wouldn't do for that peanut. Keep being who you are Johnny, keep me in line, show me how to be the mom I need to be. You make my world the way it should be. It's funny as a mom, sometimes you feel like you are always "on" and can't relax and breath. I get excited when he spends the night at a family members home. I think "awe! I will get to sleep in and not do anything till like 10 am!" but then I come home, and my house feels empty. There is no little pitter patter on the floor sounds or random sputs of jibber jabber. I look in his room and miss him. I know I am gonna look back someday and miss these days. Days of chaos. Days when I have you all to myself. I hope I can catch a small glipse of your life and not miss a single thing and take in all the good along with the not so good, cause you will only be little for so long. I love you Johnny. Thanks for being you, crazyness and all.

Now, Charlotte is another story all together. I am just tearing up right now because I KNOW I did not deserve to get her as my daughter. She is the most patient baby. She is my little pal, my buddy. She goes EVERWHERE with me. and not just because I am nursing her, but I truly enjoy her company. It's like we are just hanging out waiting to see what big brother will do ;-) There is something very interesting and special about Charlotte. She is unlike anything I have ever felt or seen. and it's weird to write that because I have Johnny too. It's just funny how you can love your kids for many different and unique reasons. I could leave her with a sitter on certain occations like I do Johnny, but I really don't want to. I know she will just be herself with me and I don't wanna miss it. This girl hardley ever cries. I go in her room to get her in the morning and she is just sucking on her hands, waiting for me. Always waiting for me. Waiting to be held while I keep big brother from doing something her shouldn't, waiting to be fed while I try to make dinner, waiting to be snuggled while I get brother to bed. Always waiting, but never bitter. We pick up right were we left off. She has these adorable dimpels and I just KISS EM KISS EM KISS EM! OH, I love this girl! She stares at me alot too. Just looking at me like she has known me forever. We have this unspoken bond. She sits in her bumbo in the morning while I am getting ready for the day, and she just sits and smiles at me, even when I am not looking at her. I hope she will always want to hang out (and see what big brother will do.) When I found out I was pregnant with her, I was freaked out. When I had to go to the hospital on more than one occation because I was so sick, I was freaked out. and two days before I had her, I was in hysterics. Could I handle this? What was I thinking? Am I going to be able to give her everything she wants and needs while doing the same for her brother. The moment I saw her, I knew I not only could, but I WOULD. I would sacrafice my sleep, my body, my time, my life, just to make sure my kids know that they are loved by their mommy. Now being pregnant with Charlotte was by far the hardest thing I have ever done in my life thus far (because I was so sick and was chasing around a toddler)

My life right now is better than I could have thought possible. Yes, there are days when I literally want to pull my hair out (which is not a good idea for me because I have already lost some much since having babies) I am running around the house frantically trying to do what I want, need, and should do and I feel like I can't accomplish it all. I forget to eat, go to the bathroom, and leave things in places where I shouldn't (almost lost my wallet). and sometimes I wonder how I made it through the day alive. That the kids are unscathed (at least I hope so). I hope my babies will look back and remember that hairbrained crazy mom and laugh because tat is who she is and she did her best. People with grown kids always say, wait until their teens, blah, blah, blah.... I hope that when my babies are teens, they have a firm foundation in their little mini adult hearts that their mom and dad love them. Love them no matter what. and if they do something bad, at the end of the day I will hope that I can say I did all I could and it was up to them at that point in their life. That if they do something so terrible or wrong, at these they know mom and dad love them and always will. I was once asked by someone who has no children, "why would you in your right mind bring a child into this world we live in? It is so aweful and wrong, why would you do that" my response to him: # 1: I am selfish. I have always wanted kids and if allowed to do so, would. No matter what. # 2 as stated before: if I can do all that I can for my kids, in all stages of their lives to ensure in their hearts that they are loved and cared for uncondtionally. Then I have done my job. If they know that they can always come back. I have done my job. I will forever be a mom. It's a scary thought sometimes.... it comes with so much responibility and worry. A job that I am so glad I am able to have, and will for the rest of my life and the one that comes after.