Our summer!

 Char and Maddie having a good time driving around!

 Johnny and Char at Smoot Park

 My John bear

 Playing in the backyard! One of our FAVORITE things to do!

 Father's Day!!! Love you John!

 Family reunion

 Great Grandma Gardner!

OUR BABY HONEY TURNED 2!!!!



Here are just some recent pics of the kids and our summer so far! It has been a crazy and fun Summer so far and it sems like day after day, we have tons going on! Parks, swimming, being with family, playing with freinds, bbq's, playing the backyard (ALOT) and celebrating Charlotte's birthday! I can't believe Char is 2. We had a birthday party with all her little friends and it was so fun! Thanks to all who came over to share her special day and for her cute presents!The kids are turning out to be best buds and I am so glad they have each other! At the 4th of July parade, Johnny was sitting next to Char with his arm around her teling her what was coming up next in the parade! He looks out for her and they are little partners in crime! This is a quick post, but I just wanted to let our fam and friends who are near and far now what we are up to! Will blog again soon!

RAGNAR 2012

Van 1 starting time at 9:30 am. All of us were first time Ragnar runners!

This pic is of us before our night runs!!! I was totally freaking out!

Lovely pic of us after our yummy dinner and showers! (Provided by Kendra! Thank you!)

Pic of me and my Van 1 mom Ann passing me water on my first leg! LOVE HER!

Well here it is folks! My detailed account of my Ragnar experience! 3 weeks before Ragnar I was on Face book and noticed that Matty had posted about needing a last min runner for their Van 1 Ragnar team and needed someone who at least ran a little bit. I immediately posted with excitement that I could do it! I hadn't even looked at the legs I would be running, let alone knowing what I was getting myself into! I looked at the legs on line and thought it was going to be OK. For those of you who don't know what Ragnar is, it is an overnight running relay race that makes testing your limits a team sport. A team is made up of 12 individuals; each individual runs 3 legs. The legs of the race vary in difficulty and distance, from 3-8 miles, allowing elite and novice runners to run together. Over 2 days and 1 night, teams run across 200 miles of the Wasatch Back from Logan to Park City. At out final team meeting, I realized I would be running not only with a bunch of people I had never met, but we were all FIRST TIME Ragnar runners! I was a little nervous that I would let people down and it did intimidate me. I was runner #6, which meant that I would be the last runner in our van and would be the one handing off to van 2, 3 different times! I prepared the night before, leaving my darling children in the care of my in-laws, Thank you John and Liz! We met at Ann's house at 7 am to head up to Logan. I sat shot gone with Ann, Kira, Brayden, Kendra, and Proshaunt in the back. On the way there, Kendra had a break down about a mother and her ducklings crossing the highway up Logan canyon. She was crying for us to turn around, that this was a matter of life and death, that she would run our legs for us, if we would just TURN AROUND! We didn't have enough time, so she called 911. We very soon found out that Kendra has a passion for animals.... and that's putting it mildly. On one of our night legs, she saved a pregnant moth that was going to die if she got stepped on.

We got to the University to check in and all of us where still trying to figure everything out. Brayden was our first runner and left on his way at 9:30 am. We got back in the car to leap frog ahead of him and cheer him on. At this point, I was still pretty quiet. I didn't want to freak out these new people I JUST meet with my obnoxious and loud personality.... Well, we waited and waited at our exchange and still couldn't find Brayden. He had 9 miles to run, so we weren't sure how long it would take, but we knew he would be fast because he ran track and field in high school. Kendra was doing some friendly chatting with fellow participants and then realized we were at the wrong EXCHANGE!!! Poor Brayden had been waiting for us at the correct exchange for 10 min!!!! We raced like bats out of the cave (Brayden's saying) and got there so the Prochaunt could do his leg!

As we drove around dropping people off and picking them up, we all started opening up and talking. I asked where Prochaunt was from (he looked Indian) and with a straight face, said Michigan. We were all a little surprised, mainly because he had a very heavy accent, but accepted his response. Everyone did a stellar job on their runs and pretty soon we caught up on the time we had lost back at exchange 1. Kira was the runner before me and kicked tail on one of the hardest legs in Ragnar, called "What the Hill". (All uphill on a caynon dirt trail) She passed off to me and I was on my way. This was my first leg of Ragnar! It was AWESOME! It was 6.5 miles on the caynon road DOWNHILL. I was trying really hard to to not fall on my face and it really helped that my team was there cheering me on. Made the experience so much better! You have to realize that while you are running, not only are their hundreds of other runners running too (in crazy costumes and some wearing hardly anything at all) there are cars, vans, and trucks decked out with crazy stickers and paint, driving right along side of you. So I was trying to make sure I didn't fall, get hit by a car, or run into someone else! I was relieved to the one 1 mile to go sign and started really running. I didn't stop once. I finished that leg in 1 hour and 2 min. I was so happy and excited to see Van 2 and passed it on to them! I was so happy that I finished and didn't let anyone down!

Then it was off to Kendra's house in Mountain Green for food and a shower! Not everyone was able to do this, but our team was lucky! After dinner, a shower, and calling in to check on my kids, we were on our way to our exchange point. By now, it was nearing dark and Brayden took off on his second leg down Trapper's Loop in the sunset. He totally ran his heart out and finished strong as is got dark. Kendra, Ann, and Kira killed their legs in the dark. No problems, well, except for Ann almost running over a goat, while running and stepping in poo. ;-) I then set off on my second leg of 8.2 miles at 1 in the morning with my head lamp, back blinker and reflective vest. The first several miles were fun and easy. It was nice to run in the cool mountain air. My route was up East Canyon Res. About 4 miles into my run, I saw our van on the side of the road, and I knew it was probably impossible for them to notice if it was me or not (we all looked the same running in the dark) so I ran really fast along side the van and knocked it several times! The only thing I heard was Kira screaming! It was so funny! Maybe not to them..... This was by far my hardest leg. At mile 6 I had to stop because the uphill grade was too much for me.It was a little scary running up a caynon in the dark. I thought for sure I was gonna get hit by a car. After my night leg, we passed off again to Van 2 and headed off to South Summit High for some much needed rest. On the way there, Procaunt proceeded to tell us that he really was from India and was just playing with us! We thought it was so funny! By then we were so tired and exhausted that EVERYTHING was funny. "Awe Yeah" was said over a hundred times. 1+1= 2 which means it's honey bucket time! We all tried to sleep in the same car and no one really got any sleep. In my passing in and out of sleep, I yelled when it was dead quiet, "Dolla dolla bills ya'll"! Everyone started laughing and that was that, we said it the rest of the trip. At 6 am, I went to the porta potty and realized, much to my horror, that everyone was camped out in the school. We had just spent the night in a cold car with no room when we could have stayed in the school! We were all a little sad at that moment, but picked ourselves back up and headed out to do our last legs.

The heat was beating down and some of us where in stomach distress....myself included. (Too many cliff bars and power aid) We were all exhausted, tired beyond belief, and scared. Scared to not finish, scared to get really sick while running, and scared to let everyone down. Before Kendra's leg we said a prayer and with that Kendra and Ann ran through their longest and toughest legs. It was truly amazing to be apart of something so inspiring. I was able to see my teams' tears, excitement, and triumphs.... and I had just met them. Kira killed her last leg and now it was my turn to turn it out and run my last run of Ragnar. This was by far my easiest leg. I passed several people and told them to keep going. I didn't stop once. As I passed the finish line to pass on to Van 2 all I could think of was my kids and John. That I could finish fast and strong for them. At the finish line I was greeted by my new friends yelling "DOLLA DOLLA BILLS YA'LL!" What a great feeling of accomplishment! I had just finished Ragnar!!!! We drove to Park City High to eat and wait for Van 2. I was missing the kids and felt like I needed to be home, so John came and got me from Park City High and picked me up. It was bittersweet to say good bye to my new friends. We only spent 30 hours together but, we learned so much about one another and saw each other go through a big thing together!

As I sit here writing this, I miss them. My Van 1.

I miss Ann's ability to sing all the young kid songs (Booty work anyone?), tell her life story to me and let me see her for who she is. I like what I see. I miss my Ragnar momma. Thanks for cheering me on and being there for me. She is a mom and ran this race! She is so inspiring!

I miss Kira's ability to run like she did with no training. I miss her laugh. I miss her singing. I miss her smart and witty comments. Happy 16th Birthday Kira!

I miss Brayden's crazy red hair, him saying "AWE YEAH", him and Kira singing together, him saying, "my mom must love me", our renditions of Eminem, and him non stop talking about 1+1!!!!

I miss Kendra's compassion for all living things. I miss her bossy and mothering nature. I miss her cracking with a laugh at times that we were supposed to be serious and us trying to loosen her up.

I miss Proschant, or as we would say, cheese on our Croissant..... I miss him yelling our sayings in his Indian accent. My fav being, " Thank you, come again" Good luck with your new baby girl!

This was by far the craziest thing I have ever done.After going through an entire stick of body glide, blisters on my feet, no sleep, and some sore muscles, it was so worth it and I am so glad I did it. I am again so thankful for my team, because with out them. I wouldn't have been able to push through it all and have a total blast all at the same time! I am absolutely doing it again next year and hopefully with the same people! I loved Ragnar. LOVED IT. I am also very much grateful for John. Because of him I have been able to do this. He helped me believe in myself, pushed me to continue training, and cared for our kids while I trained and ran this race. It means the world to me that I have his continued support.

Determination

After months and months of training, hard work, sweat, tears, and many hours away from my kids, I FINISHED my Salt Lake Half Marathon. I decided in September of 2011 to sign up for this race when my best friend Tara called me and said we needed to change our lives. Tara and I have been through a lot together and I thought this would be one more adventure for us! Months passed and I thought it was time to start getting serious and start training. Little did I know how much time, effort, and DETERMINATION this would actually take. I started following a running schedule in January and would brave the rain and snow to get my miles in. The starting this process was slow and smart. It was intended to prevent injuries and burn out. Run for 5 min, walk one min. Over and over. Some days were so hard. Getting up before the sun would rise, seeing the snow on the ground, peeking in on my sweet kids deep in warm slumber. I seriously would just want to climb back into bed, but I didn't. I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

February came and training was getting easier. It helped playing indoor soccer to accelerate my time run after run. It also helped with my lung capacity. In between running days, I would do strength training to prevent injuries and build strength. By the end of February, I was running 6 miles every other day. I remember my second week into March looking at my training schedule and my stomach dropped, "Now you will add a mile to one run each week until week before race." Could I even do that? Was that even possible? I was feeling pretty proud of running 6 miles in ONE day but to up that a mile each week on TOP of the other standard running days?

March came and it was time to get serious. I would wake up around 6:45 am, get in the shower (weird I know, considering I was just gonna get all sweaty) eat granola bar and a banana and a sip or two of water and head out. Miles 0-3 are the hardest for me, and were even on race day. I would spend this time trying to talk myself out of doing it.... but as I would pass mile 3, it was like I could run forever. Some days were spectacular runs, some days were down right horrible. (getting pine needles in my underwear after a secret potty break, wishing the park restrooms were open, having to walk at mile 7-8 because of charlie horses due to lack of water and sleep, crying one day after mile 6 when I almost tripped and fell on my face, and the worst was 5 miles into a run, I wore a hole in my favorite work out pants and had to hold my pant leg up the rest of the run to prevent chaffing.....) The days that were great were when I was hydrated, well rested and the weather was cooperating. It rained several days on and off weeks before the race and I loved that. The rain helped me feel stronger and less sweaty ;-) I would come home morning after morning and feel accomplished and ready to take on my life as not only a wife and mother, but also as a person. This race changed my life. No I didn't lose a ton of weight or even drop several pant sizes, but what I did gain was strength, health, happiness, passion, patience, and determination.

By the end of March, I was running 9-10 miles on my long run days and 6 on the others. I remember the day I ran 13. I wrote it on my calendar when I got home. April 10th. I was set out to run 11 that day and told myself I would go farther if I felt comfortable enough to. When I was heading back from the Rec center, it was like my whole body was bound up like a jammed gear. I stopped by a tree and started crying. I then began stretching and told myself I had to at least run home, the kids would be awake soon. I then turned up my music and started out again. The song that really made most of my runs and increased my speed was "Part of me" by Katy Perry. The song makes no correlation in my own life, but the chorus made me believe that I could do this, no matter what anyone said or did, no one could take this training from me. No one could stop me from doing this, except me. As a past Reading Elementary on Main street something told me to keep going, that I would be ok. I ran and ran and before I knew it, I was on my way back home on the frontage road in Farmington. As I sprinted that last part home (listening to Juke Box Hero, by Foreigner) I stopped at Greenfields and saw 13.7 on my nano. I had done it. I did it on a day I didn't think that I could. This race was going to be epic.....

My mom (who also ran this race with me) flew in to Salt Lake from Vegas day before the race. We went to the Gateway to pick up our shirts and race numbers and headed to my grandma's. We stayed the night there and it was comforting to know that my grandma would be caring for the kids while I prepared for and ran the race. We left South Jordan at 5 am and headed up to the start line by Trax. When we got to Legacy Bridge, I called Tara and we met up on the starting line area. It was so exciting and scary all in one breath! People were dancing and yelling and the hype was a little intense! Then, they blew the whistle and it was time to start this race! I soon found myself on my own running down Foothill and felt like I was in my element. I pretended that it was just me out there alone, running along the roads in my neighborhood that I had ran the last several months. It was surreal to say the least. I felt a smile on my face. Most of this race was downhill and for that, I am so grateful! As each water station passed (along with the restroom) I felt the need to just push past it and keep going. I didn't mind too much to the other runners. I didn't look at the times posted. I even wished they hadn't posted the mile signs. By mile 8, I saw the 2:30 mile pacer and ran past him. If I could run this in under 2 1/2 hours, that would make me so happy. By mile 9-10, I could feel blisters forming under my feet and was wondering if I should stop and tape them.... then I saw John. I thought my heart would leap out of my chest! I ran to him and gave him a sweaty kiss and kept going. His smile and cheers were just what I needed to get through these last 3 miles. As I saw the mile 12 mark, the 2:30 pacer past me and I was walking. I felt so defeated. I thought I was gonna throw up. I had ran way to fast for my pace on mile 10 and 11. Then a young kid ran passed me and yelled at me! "You are on the LAST MILE! DON'T YOU STOP NOW!" I yelled back at him. I then felt a tap on my back from Amy Hansen. I could keep going! I started running again, "Part of Me" blaring in the background, and sprinted to the finish line. As I was running through the finish line, I looked to my right and saw John, my grandparents, my mom, and our dear sweet kids cheering me on. I finished the race in 2:24, under 2 1/2 hours! I was elated! The next several min where a blur as they moved us along like cattle. I was able to be reunited with my family and it was so fun! 4 hours later, Tara and I laced up our soccer cleats and played our first outdoor game of the season. Although we were 4 men down and had no subs, it was like we were 17 again!

I am just so amazed at what the human body can do. This exact time last April, I ran a 5k with my mom and sister in 58 min. I had vertigo and was feeling low about myself. I feel like I have come a long way in just a year and I can't wait to try and accomplish things I wouldn't otherwise do. I am not a runner by nature. That I know, but, I can run and do it if I put my mind to it. I will continue to run, and maybe run the St. George half in January, but I won't let myself forget what I am capable of.

Somebodies I hold dear.

I was looking back on all my past posts and can't believe how much time has flown by. These little people seriously grow my the second. I have been super emotional this past week after finding out the news of what happened to the Powell boys this last Sunday. I have been reeling inside. Feeling all sorts of feelings that scared me. I couldn't get it out of my mind all week. I think that sometimes, the day to day life with the kids has made things feel so routine. This past week, I can honestly say- I haven't felt this way. I would get excited to hear the kids awake from their slumber, bounce into their rooms, open their curtains wide to let the sun shine in on their tired little faces, and just be filled with excitment to see them. Although, I am sure that they thought I was nuts, I have really started to appreciate these moments with the kids. I found myself getting down to see Johnny's face when he would try to tell me something, hold his hand at all times possible, ask him for help on daily taskes, held Char just a little bit longer, slowed down the diaper changes and clothing changes...... I feel like I really held onto these memories. I found myself crying at night because I couldn't and can't imagine what my life would be like with out them in it. I prayed intently that I would have more patience with them and let go of the small things. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Johnny and Char. So much, in fact that it hurts a little too. I feel like my sensitivity to them has been hightened and it makes me feel really happy inside.

I am not totally sure why this has been brought on at this very moment. Maybe Heavenly Father knew I needed it, maybe seeing images of that burned home with two small boys inside, or maybe I just let go of my insecurties. This has always been a major issue of mine and if you truly know me well, they can be seen very clearly. I let my insecurities of who I am get in the way of how I love my kids- mind you, there are other factors of course, but I think it all comes from with in me. How I feel about myself as a mom, a wife, a friend, a person. What I guess I am really trying to say is that I feel like a burden has been lifted from me. Like I can really grab hold onto these moments and make them last. It's a little weird writting this today because today was not one of my good days. I was impatient and awnry. One day at a time. I have to have the bad days to know the good ones.

What I am loving about these kiddos of mine:

Char talks NON STOP. Seriously. My little chatter box.

The way Char laughs. It's deep and all in her throat. You wouldn't expect that sound to come out

of someone so small.

The brightness in Johnny's eyes as I sing to him primary songs before bed.

How much more Johnny is communicating with me.

That they both adore books and being read to.

That storytime was finally a success! Both sat and listened the whole time. BIG DEAL.

How Johnny always wants to hold my hand in public places and demands it.

How Char wants everything Johnny has, no matter what.

That when Johnny wants something, he will repeat it over and over and over until you respond and act.

That Johnny is so friendly to others. A friend came to the door the other day and Johnny walked right over and hugged her leg. He is always so loving and affectionate.

How defiant and stubborn my Char is. I love it and dislike it.

That they are mine. That I can hold them whenever I want. I could march right upstairs, right now, and pick them up and hold them, kiss the, squeeze them. That Johnny is like me when I was little. That Char is a cookie cutter of her daddy. That I get to spend day in and day out with them and all their craziness.

A dear friend of mine had something happen to her husband recently that made her realize how important life is. She said something I will never forget and always try to remember: That FAMILY comes first, nothing else.

I am going to strive on that concept. That no matter what is going on with me or my insecurties, my family comes first. The rest will follow.